Present Tense: Consciousness

Well here we are, back at the start; 50th Post for the Tarot Blog Hop, an albeit late entry due to the circumstances I find myself in. Well, that is it in a nutshell really, the present tense, the present circumstances… I guess since this is my 50th Post, and after the revelations that have dawned since Friday, you wouldn’t mind to much if I indulge in a little more candidness.

I had it said to me, within the recent past, read that as somewhere in the last three to four months, that my circumstances are ‘complicated’. Which is no word of a lie, they are. You see, I am the full time and principle carer for my mum; I live in the family home full time, and bar maybe a couple of hours during the week and weekend, I am here to make sure that in essence, mum doesn’t get herself into too much bother/trouble.

I reckon we’re about weeks to months out from a diagnosis of Dementia of some form or another. All the signs are there, and certainly from the out bursts recently, I can tell there has been a significant change in her. 

The trouble is, my mother is very good at hiding, she has worked within this system for some 40+ years, so she knows how to pretend for all the right people, including the carers.

The Osho Zen Tarot, reveals this through Consciousness, as this is precisely what I am dealing with day in and day out, the ever changing state of her consciousness, and whatever that may bring to light on the day...

Looking Forward: Going with the Flow

There is no predictable pattern within this kind of situation, it is very much dependant on the mood, the day, and sometimes even the hour; recently as last Thursday, I spoke to one of the local specialised nurses over the phone and laid out exactly what was happening for me, she to be fair didn’t sound at all surprised.

In fact she paid me an odd compliment, which was I am doing everything right, where possible agreeing with her, trying not to challenge the status quo, and keeping an even temperament. So as the card suggests, I am going with the flow, and even if my buttons are pushed and leaving the room doesn’t work, finding a way to move on and passed the part that causes issues, is the right way to deal with it.

It is in essence all that can be done, finding what works at the time, and hoping that even for a while it sticks…

Reflections: Maturity

50 posts, and countless different decks, yet the ones I have chosen today are the ones that really packed the punches. On my way home from my Tai Chi group, I knew, I just knew that Rohig was calling to me for this one. While I was digging it out, the Dragon Tarot came alive in my hand and I knew that it too was being used in this hop, and then to top it off the MDF box, with the brown cloth wrapping the Osho Zen, winked at me and again I knew it was a part of this.

What I didn’t count on and hadn’t worked out until just now is why Saints and Mystics had to be included, and in particular why St. Francis called out. Now I realise that this hop, as been more about catharsis, and stepping out of my own way than anything else.

Perhaps that’s why Maturity sits within Reflections, perhaps it might be time to see myself as something more than hiding in the shadows. Maybe it is time to shine a little light on myself and recognise that it is okay to let go of this spell, that says to be bold, to be something isn’t bad, and history won’t repeat itself, because you're not that person anymore, you have matured since then…

Footsteps and Pathways: The Source

So, as I reach my conclusion to this (very) late entry for the blog hop, Osho Zen, reminds me to return to Source. To come back to my core and core beliefs, which is what I do, I’ll let you in on something, when it gets bad and I find myself sinking, I’ll come up to my room and place a finger or two on this photo of Dad and Mum, during their engagement/soon to be married. It hangs on the wall looking out into the hall, I’ll stand there with those fingers touching it and I’ll say to Dad “Help, I don’t know what to do right now…”

Thing is I know that he hears me, because without fail, her mood will change and things settle. It is like he gets through to that part of her, which still exists. He speaks to her in his way, and get through, what is said is between them, but it works.

In many ways, he is her source; the part that is yang to her yin, or knowing those two the other way about. Whichever way it works, something about that photo is their connection, a window to a place where they are still in love and preparing for the challenging future that awaits.

Conclusion: The Master

Perhaps it is purposeful that Osho Zen, decided to conclude this with The Master; there again maybe it was the last card by accident, either way the conclusion to this hop is maybe this:

“We must learn to believe and trust in our own ability before we take the words of another.

Learn to trust in our own discernment, and accept only that which feels right, truthful, and honest to our own core values.”

Thank you for hopping with me, and sharing what has been a very wild, curious, and somewhat daunting at times journey. I look forward to seeing on the next hop...